Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Moment One.
As soon as I began reading chapter five and six, both mentioned American society as being obsessed with appearance and this being very obvious. To most appearance is everything; wanting that perfect look. When in reality there is no one perfect look, everyone is different, and that is something my one friend has yet to fully understand. My friend and I went shopping in this last week. We wanted to shop for dresses for a concert that was coming up, but only deciding to wear a dress if each of us found one. She said that I had more of an idea what fashion was, telling me to tell her what looked good on her, what colors matched; to be an outsider looking at her. I was on the fence about this because everyone has their own style, and something that I think would look good, may not be for her. Then the shopping trip, I feel, went downhill. All throughout trying on clothes she complained about her stomach being too fat, and needing the dress to hide it better, and the dress cannot show too much leg because they were not toned enough, just on and on. She started talking about how she becomes frustrated with shopping because certain clothing items do not fit her, and I tried reassuring her that there is something for everyone and that it takes time when it comes to looking for an outfit. But she kept up with the constant negativity about the situation, saying how I am able to find clothing much easier than her because my frame is smaller and clothes are made to fit my body size more. That ultimately made me feel terrible and once I again I tried to explain to her that, I had trouble finding different clothes because at times they do not fit correctly or the style is not for me, yet she continued to go on and say that she would never find anything. I could not get through to her in any way. I just wanted her to understand that there are many body types and that we are two different people, and we would find a dress before the concert. She was able to find a perfectly fitting dress and her attitude completely changed, but then the conversation switched from the perfect dress to how I would look better when it came to beach wear. But I am really not as confident as she thinks I am . . .
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I can completely relate to your blog. I hate shopping first of all. I think it is a very frustrating experience. I think it is even more frustrating when you are in a situation like the one you experienced. When you are friends with someone, and I mean TRUE friends, you know that you can go out with them and expect to get a 100% whole hearted opinion. You know that you should not get offended by what they say, and you should know that you should not be jealous of them and vice versa. If that is not present in a situation with a friend, then I feel that the situation may need to be evaluated. What underlying issue is there? Does the issue stem from something in regards to you, or something deeper? I am not a psychologist; however we all know that there is more that meets the eye here. Women can be very deceptive. They can say one thing and mean another. Body language (non verbal communication) is very key in this situation. It’s very sweet that your friend is boosting your self esteem but at the same time is she fishing for you to tell her something that may not be true when you would want to be more honest? Women tend to play games with each other and that is why we sometimes get labeled and it carries over into other aspects of our lives. We all know it’s not that easy being a woman in today’s world with the images that are portrayed and you would think it would be easiest to have support of friends, but are they really making it any easier.
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Congratulations! I believe that men and women should equally share the planning process for a wedding, marriage is about becoming one. So, I completely agree with you when you say that a marriage is a partnership. This is ultimately one of the bigger challenges that future spouses can do together. Most want to break the stereotype of gender roles. Even though wedding programs on television may not always be the best example; some do show the couple working together on everything; from the cake, the location, the table settings, the center pieces, the colors, etc. And there is absolutely nothing with wanting to do so. I would not go as far as to say a man should be there helping his future bride seek out her perfect dress (as you already stated), but I know of some people who want each other to be involved with every single detail. A wedding is not about the people on the outside, they are only there to share the moment. The days prior, the day of, and the days after are about the future husband and wife, and want the two want, even if planning everything together does “defy” a barrier of gender roles that society deems acceptable. There are always going to be those few people who do not agree with planning everything together, some may even say it could hurt the relationship because of disagreements that may occur, but prove them wrong. There is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding.
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I can relate to this when you write of women's most important role being to have children and get married, needing a man to feel complete. Some of my family members are always concerned with the fact that I am still single, and one of the first questions they ask me is, "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "When are you going to bring around that special someone?" What ever happened to the simple, "How are you?" They make me feel like I am breaking some sort of rule, by not having a man in my life. Especially when other members of my family have someone and I seem to be the only one that has yet to find anyone. But it is not like I am looking exactly, it will happen when it is time. Some day I would love to have all of that, but I still have a lot to do for me. There is definitely more to a woman than just fulfilling household duties and bearing children. Women are worth much more in society than the previous. I want to take full advantage of everything that women in the past have struggled to do and paving a path in helping future women achieve what they want.
Taara, I completely feel your pain. I have one friend who is heavier set and your situation is exactly the same thing I go through everytime we go shopping together. My friend will complain about the same things as your friend, how her stomach is too big and sticks out too much and how she can't wear anything too short because her legs have too much cellulite on them. This annoys me so much because she will compare me to her and make me feel bad about the size that I am ( and trust me, I am far from perfect and have plenty of flaws and insecurities about my body).But the one thing I try to tell my friend is that I have issues with finding clothes as well, because I am taller and pants tend to be short on me sometimes or maybe my chest doesnt fill out a shirt as well as hers does. It's hard to comfort a friend sometimes because you want to be honest, but at the same time you can't say everything you want to because you know it will jsut hurt their feelings. As to what Lindsey said, the part about where your friend might be fishing for you to tell her something that may not necessarily be true, well I have been there. And I find that it is best to just help them find what looks and fits best! lol If you go too much into detail then you'll will be seen as a very bad friend in their eyes because instead of boosting their self esteem you will just bring it down. I, for example expect nothing but honesty. I would rather a friend tell me something looks awful on me than to sugar coat it and say it looks "fine," because I know it doensn't look "fine," it look awful! haha. With situations like these you have to be careful even with nonverbal communication because the way you look at your friend when she comes out of the dressing room could open a whole new can of worms and send the completely wrong message that you weren't intending for. I've done that, made a face that implied negativity but in reality it was uncertainty. I've learned my lesson with that. haha
ReplyDeleteWhy do we judge ourselves by what we look like? Why do we judge ourselves by the stereotypes of what it means to be attractive? Does attractive only mean looking good on the outside? And, who established what that means?
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